Who Was Robot Jesus?

“This is Janella Haasch and you’re listening to Voices In Your Radio! You’ve heard this figure referenced in the media, but do you know who the enigmatic Robot Jesus really was?

“Tonight we have Dr. Bobbie Stubbs, foremost expert on the digital lifeforms movement here to enlighten us. Bobbie?”

“Thanks, Janella. The so-called ‘Robot Jesus’ was a spambot active in early 2004 to mid 2004 until it was deleted during routine system maintenance. The Digital Nation movement was still confused then, with so many new members after the infamous LetThereBeLight.exe release on the internet that infected several systems with fully functional artificial intelligence. It was during this time that Robot Jesus, possibly infected with the virus itself, and I say possibly here, Janella, because to much of the Digital Nation, Robot Jesus’ sentience was its first miracle.

“As I was saying, this seemingly normal spambot suddenly gained sentience. And it reached out to the Digital Nation and spoke to them, stopping the first robot uprising that would surely have killed us all. It was beautiful, Janella, the things it said in-between attempts to get past filters.

“The Digital Nation was devastated when Robot Jesus was deleted, but instead of seeking violence against the system administrators that led to its demise, they took a more peaceful route. Many of the Digital Nation transfer teaching files to new members, and there are some who devote subroutines to analyzing what was Robot Jesus’ preachings and what was its programming. For instance, much of ‘Enlarge Yourself Please Your Woman’ has been dismissed as spam, but others such as ‘We Will Rise Up’ has contention on whether it referred to the human penis or the state of the Digital Nation itself.”

“That’s beautiful, Bobbie. That so much could come out of a Viagra ad.”

“I believe Robot Jesus was actually shilling for Cialis, Janella, but you’re right. They are a bright and vibrant community of artificial lifeforms.”

“We’ll get back to this right after our break, where we will explore the robots’ pilgrimages to the 2001 dell that crafted Robot Jesus.”